I scarcely know where to begin addressing this topic. Personal loss is…

…Painful,
Depressing,
Panic inducing,
Frustrating,
Deflating,
Emasculating,
Gut wrenching,
Paralyzing,
Counter productive,
Motivation killing,
Fear inspiring,
Necessary,
Clarifying,
Eye opening,
Sobering.

I lost my very good friend James a bit over a month ago. He’d been battling brain cancer over the past 14 months. I was fortunate to spend a lot of time with him over the last months of his life. Watching a friend slowly decline, though, affected me in ways I was not expecting.

Since his death I’ve had very little to say and no real desire to create anything. I’ve been going through the motions. It’s taken some time, and some deep reflection, but I’m feeling better now. The words, however, still aren’t back to flowing the way they normally would do.

The Greek poet Menander said, “Time heals all wounds”, which maybe so, but that in between “time” until the healing starts is a gut wrenching sea hag. Yet, there are points of clarity while navigating the dark depths. Each day that passes gives me new perspective on things.

I have faith — I’m a man of it, but personal loss hits on a different level for me. The searching for those who can’t be found anywhere. The memories hidden in everyday items and activities. The knowledge of times lost and things unsaid. It’s heart breaking.

I will rebound.

Even now, as I coax these words from my core, I feel my love of the written word returning. The all consuming desire to create that’s been in my bones lies closer to the surface than it has in the past several weeks. It will well up in me, and before long I will coax a few more words, and then a few more… until things resume.

Apparently, I knew right where to start with this topic.